Savoring

My wrap-up blog will cover the Why of this past week (rather that the Whats, which each of our team members wrote about throughout).  I will first share the transcript of a short video that I watched over the weekend, then put some of my own words to the week.


So there's a great essay written by Sigmund Freud called 'On Transience' and in it, he cites a conversation that he had with the poet, Rilke, as they were walking along this beautiful garden.  And at one point, Rilke looked like he was about to tear up.  And Freud said, what's wrong?  It's a beautiful day.  There's beautiful plants around us.  This is magnificent."  And then Rilke says, well, I can't get over the fact that one day all of this is going to die.  All these trees, all these plants, all this life is going to decay.  Everything dissolves in meaninglessness when you think about the fact that impermanence is a really real thing.  Perhaps the greatest existential bummer of all is entropy.  And I was really struck by this, because perhaps that's why, when we're in love, we're also kind of sad.  There's a sadness to the ecstasy.  Beautiful things sometimes can make us a little sad.  And it's because what they hint at is the exception, a vision of something more, a vision of a hidden door, a rabbit hole to fall through, but a temporary one.  And I think, ultimately, that is the tragedy.  That is why love simultaneously fills us with melancholy.  That's why sometimes I feel nostalgic over something I haven't lost yet, because I see its transience.  And so how does one respond to this?  Do we love harder?  Do we squeeze tighter?  Or do we embrace the Buddhist creed of no attachment?  Do we pretend not to care that everything and everyone we know is going to be taken away from us?  And I don't know if I can accept that.  I think I more side with the Dylan Thomas quote that says, I will not go quietly into that good night, but instead rage against the dying of the light.  I think that we defy entropy and impermanence with our films and our poems.  I think we hold onto each other a little harder and say, I will not let go.  I do not accept the ephemeral nature of this moment.  I'm going to extend it forever.  Or at least I'm going to try.

- Jason Silva (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb-OYmHVchQ)



I journal in a stream of consciousness for the week (a quote here; and summarized moment there).  They are the little ways I savor each moment while we are in Jamaica, and how I will continue to do so when I look back on this week many years from now.  To me, there is no other way to live: you let the moment embrace you, and you welcome it, letting it wash away into the past as the future flows into the present.  We live in a society that is very future-focused: we are always planning the next party; thinking about what we're going to eat next; scheduling any number of things for tomorrow or next week--that we miss out on the opportunity to be fully in the current moment--to be *present* to whomever we are with or whatever we are doing.  When we constantly live this way, life gets a little watered down--it isn't nearly as potent; it isn't nearly as vibrant.  So as we get back into our "regular" lives today, I encouraged my team (and you reading this) to practice the art of savoring--of presence--so that by definition we are all living each day fully...and in that way, enriching ourselves, and every person we touch.

- Andrew (7th Year)

The team heading to the gate to board our flight home.

"Live the Fourth" (From Friday 11/22/13)

Today was the last full day here in Jamaica.  It’s a bitter sweet day for the team as we reflect and can’t believe that our time in Jamaica has slipped past us so quickly.  Luckily we were able to all board the bus this morning after the stomach flu took a few of our team hostage yesterday.  We were off to the beach!  While on the surface, this may seem like just like any other vacation day in the Caribbean but, I assure you this is a day of decompression after a physically & mentally draining week.  We use this day to casually discuss our experiences over the past week.  This helps us process our thoughts and feelings and prepares us for what’s known as re-entry…coming back to the “real world”.    We also make sure we have some good fun while we are at it!

While reflecting on the week, these are some of the things that came to mind:

So it’s no secret to the team that I attended St. Joseph’s Preparatory School, an all boys Jesuit school located in North Philadelphia.  There are two mottos that I took with me and try to incorporate into my daily life.  The first is “Men for Others”.  This is to be taken in the most literal and self-explanatory way.  The second is “Live the Fourth”.  This is a saying from the four day retreat called Kairos and it means to take what you have learned and experienced in those four days and let it mold who you are and who you will become.  When applied to a trip to Mustard Seed Jamaica, it means that while what you do during your week in Jamaica is important, it is crucial to carry it forward for the other 51 weeks of the year. 

Natalia presented us with a challenge to double our team size for next year.  What better way to do that than spreading the story of Mustard Seed Jamaica?  This is how I feel called to “Live the Fourth”.  I challenge the team to do the same, as well our readers.  Yes this means you!  Most likely someone related to the team shared this link with you.  They are returning from Jamaica tomorrow and want to tell you all about it.  Ask them why they went.  Ask them to see pictures.  Ask them to share their experience with you.  Ask them what it was like to have their whole perspective on life change in one week.  Ask them about the child that had the strongest impact on them.  Most importantly, ask them how you can be involved.  Ask them how you can have the same experience.

I leave you with one last quote from Monsignor Gregory Ramkissoon which I believe summarizes the difference each person can make if they are willing.  “We must believe in the smallest little action, that’s going to love these children, that that action can explode into a lifetime of love.”

- Kevin (8^th Year)

“Be in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything”

A famous Jesuit, Pedro Arrupe, in his most famous prayer, says, “Be in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” My first time to Jamaica, I got the “Being in love” part down; the staying in love I thought would be a challenge. As we got in the plane on Saturday, I recounted all of my adventures, consolations, and desolations of the last trip and prepared myself for this second chance to see if and how I could stay in love with the kids, with the process, with the falling into discomfort, with everything. And this trip has truly proved to be a great second chance, shared with these children who so rightly deserve a second opportunity, and should not be abandoned again.  

Today was an eventful day. Many of our team members got sick so our planned trip to Jacob’s Ladder was quickly changed into a day of painting and playing with kids at Sophie’s Place. Pushing forward through changed plans, paint fumes, rain, the anxiety of who might fall next to the looming stomach flu bug, and trying to serve the children in the best way, made for a lot of opportunities for second chances, taking breaks and trying again, preparing ourselves for the next time, and getting the support needed not to be alone taking that second step.

That has been the most important thing for me and something that has made me reflect on second chances. I wasn’t sure I was coming back, I wasn’t sure if this was going to be a great time to give Jamaica a second chance, but through preparation and experience behind me, and the support of the team members whom I have either just met or whose relationship has strengthened through these new experiences, I have given it a second chance, come a second time, “stayed in love”--and that has made all the difference.

- Cecilia (2nd Year)

One Love

“It’s 6:15 ladies” in a sweet (singing) voice from Jordan is a much more pleasant wake-up call then the obnoxious repetitive drone of the alarm clock back home. In fact, I decided long ago alarm clocks should be outlawed and that I’d prefer if we could all go back to the day when we’d wake with the sun and sleep with the rising moon. That said, although it’s still an earlier start to my day than I would like (feeling rather sleep-deprived this week), I quickly wash my face, brush my hair & teeth, toast a piece of oat bread with almond butter, inhale the last cup of Jamaican blend with the obligatory drop of condensed milk, make sure my bag is packed with all the daily necessities (lip balm, work gear, lots of wipes, camera gear!) and by the time we’ve boarded the bus I’ve forgotten what time it is. By mid-morning, I haven’t a clue. And it will continue this way throughout the day, as we are guided as a team, somewhat like sailors are by the stars, by the height of the sun as it rests in the island blue, Jamaican skies above us.

So I’ll admit to getting choked up at least one time (ok, more like four…) each day I’ve been here. I never know exactly what will pull at my hearts strings in any given day until it happens and here we are at day 5 and before the bus departs the driveway at Sophie’s Place, my eyes already begin to well up. Donavan, my resident photography mentee of sorts, is roaming around the area where we’ve boarded the bus, interacting through open windows with those already seated as if to see us off. I give him a good morning hug, make my way up the steps, and find a seat by the door, giving him a high-five before the doors close. I feel guilty because we’ve been offsite the past several days and I haven’t had much time with the children at Sophie’s Place, Donavan included.  He has taken to my camera in a huge way, so much so that when I let him use it, it’s rather difficult to get it back. Mentally challenged in many ways, I hear he’s had the tendency to act up but has mellowed since last year… What I’ve observed is that he is a very sweet boy who often lacks the ability to express himself but he’s a quick learner.  He’s already mastered the on, off, shutter & playback buttons on my Canon 5D and would be perfectly content snapping photos and previewing them ALL DAY LONG. J Like several of the kids at Sophie’s, he seems hungry for stimulation and I just know in my heart if he had more one-on-one attention, he could really thrive. All this runs through my head as we pull away and head up the road to Jerusalem for the third day and I wonder what sort of camera I could send him and who might be able to print the occasional photo for him to keep as he stands there waving, Beanie Baby in one hand.

I set my camera to high speed as we drive down the mountainside toward Kingston and attempt my daily drive-by, street lifestyle photos from the bus window while nearly everybody else on the bus sleeps. Maybe it was all those Red Stripes enjoyed at Jackets last night for our team excursion, J. I hope to capture school kids in uniforms waiting at the bus stop, Jamaican colors and street vendors selling their wares in the early morning light and I’m lucky enough to capture a few happy accidents before we arrive nearly two hours later in Jerusalem for what will be our last day there.

On today’s agenda: finishing the mosaic tile walkway we’ve widened to accommodate wheelchairs, a birthday party for Kevin’s 10 year old sponsor child, and saying goodbye to the kids since we’ll be headed to Jacob’s Ladder tomorrow. It was a long day. Upon arrival we wasted no time before setting up our work/water camp and heading to devotion in the chapel. Nick, one of the long term volunteers, led the service. It was touching. Not being one who attends church often (sorry, Dad), I have to say I could get used to this. A young man with Down’s Syndrome sits beside me and takes my hand. Again, GULP. My heart sinks a little and I can just feel the love in the room.

I spent about two hours working up a good Jamaican sweat scraping thin-set from tiles with the most primitive of available tools (at one point, a rock with a sharp edge) in preparation for the grouting process, and then I slipped away to find the teacher who had stopped me on the way to chapel to say good morning with the most beautiful smile, followed up with a comment on how tired I looked ha ha. When she suggested I sneak in an hour nap at some point, in fact insisted I promise her I would, I suggested, instead that I’d like to take photos of the school children. I told her this would make me the MOST HAPPY. J She had told me she’d see what she can do and to come find her later that morning. Feeling good about having contributed to the work project, I proceeded toward her classroom with excitement. For those who know me, NOTHING brings me more joy than traveling & immersing myself in other cultures- meeting & interacting with new people, mainly the elderly & children (perhaps they are the easiest to please and therefore the most rewarding) bring me the MOST joy. I entered her classroom with a smile on my face and she welcomed me with opened arms and ushered me into a neighboring classroom with mentally challenged kids who I had the OK to photograph. I was in my element & this made me very happy. Seeing the kids, each one more adorable than the next, respond to my lens and then gather round and insist on previewing my captures was a total blast.  I allowed some of the kids to handle my camera as I often do, teaching them the basics and gently placing the cloth strap around their neck and making sure their tiny fingers could find the shutter button. The smiles on their faces were absolutely priceless and worth the risk to my gear. The teachers were enjoying my presence as well and gleefully posed for the camera.  I truly treasured my time spent with these children and silently thought if I had the means, I’d put about 10 of them in my pocket and bring them back to the States to give them a chance at a life of dreams outside the walls of the albeit amazing Mustard Seed.  As I hugged each and every one of them goodbye, another gulp. Auntie Jennifer, Auntie Jennifer… When will you be back? Oh my, here come the waterworks… As I walk down the cement path back to our work site, a small girl grabs my arm and then I realize, having two deformed feet, she hasn’t got the use of her legs and is relying on me to pull her along… I pause for a moment and wonder a whole heap of things, the least of which is to what room she belongs, when I see a young boy round the corner with her wheelchair. I am so touched by this gesture and yet I see it everywhere. One child helping another without needing to be asked, sisters and brothers, abandoned by their own families who have somehow found their way to Mustard Seed and into the arms of a family all their own.

 I return to the worksite with a rather large smile on my face, hit the bathroom to quickly refresh, get back to work for a short while before we are called to the pavilion for lunch. Today K-Jam (this is Jamaican Kevin our group security guy not to be confused with our team leader, Kevin J) has remembered I’d prefer not to eat red meat as I must’ve mentioned to him I’m putting my vegetarianism on hold for this trip and am willing to cheat with white meat, brings out a special plate of chicken and veggie salad. Again, I love this place and feel I’ve been surrounded by an unbelievable amount of smiles and grace since arriving. It’s been a full day so far and lunch with the team and time in the chapel are always a pleasant break.

After an enjoyable lunch, we head back to our tile site. I’m lagging behind with camera in hand, as usual, and Nick & Jericho, MSC long-term volunteers are taking their time as well. We all agree to make a pit stop at the Pavilion for the disabled kids- varying in age from 5 to maybe 30 or more with disabilities ranging from mild to severe, to spend some quality time.  It’s not exactly an easy place to be but I wanted to go. I was quickly led by hand by a small boy to a table full of broken books. He selected two and I led him to a picnic table to read. Not much of an attention span, that one, but he had a huge enthusiastic smile on his face, nonetheless, so I just kept on reading as several other boys gathered around- I didn’t get the impression any one child was really listening as one of them was turning pages quicker than I had the time to read, but I had already learned that’s not the point and it’s the attention, simply being together, that was all that mattered. As I begun to lower myself closer to the floor so a small boy with little use of his legs, could listen in, he self-sufficiently propped himself up on the bench before I knew it- It’s amazing how many of the children have acclimated to their disability. I must’ve spent a good hour or more in this area and enjoyed every minute of it although, as feeding time began moments later, again, it was somewhat difficult to watch but the caretakers seemed to enjoy having me there so I stayed a while longer. I walked around and interacted with as many as possible, touching the arms of some, kissing the forehead of others, embracing those lovable kids who tend to run up and grab you at every turn, playing with the camera and letting them take photos of one another, and even engaging in some pleasant conversation such as with a surprisingly wise wheelchair bound man who asked me where I was from and a handsome charismatic boy who’d become attached to my sunglasses. Needless to say, he’s now rocking my vintage-style Anthropologie sunglasses. It’s hard to say no to these kids! Besides, he really did look better in them than I did anyway.

ONE LOVE.

-Jennifer (1^st Year)

Everything & Everyone Has a Place

Today we had another early start with a picturesque drive down the mountains from our quarters at Sophie’s Place. It then continued through the hustle and bustle of workday traffic in downtown Kingston to Spanish Town. There we went to work on a project at Jerusalem!, which is the largest community amongst the Mustard Seed homes. Our team project was tiling a path that had been widened by us the previous day to allow for wheelchairs. This path was tiled with many different leftover tiles that probably would have ended up in a landfill back home. Here everything has a purpose and with these “repurposed” tiles we more a less put a puzzle together to create a beautiful mosaic path.

Our day continued with lunchtime prayer in the chapel led by a 15 year old girl beyond her years, from their Dare to Care program which cares for those living with HIV. This was followed by a great lunch of whole tilapia, which are raised in a pond on the grounds of Jerusalem, Jamaican rice and peas, and slaw.

The 2^nd half our day was spent at Mary’s Child which is a favorite amongst many who have been on the trip before. This is where we get to hold the babiesJ.  There are currently 6 babies and 12 girls/moms- to -be at this home. This is the only home of its kind in Jamaica. The girls here are very young and have very unfortunately been a victim of rape or incest or have been thrown out of their parent’s home. Mary’s Child takes these girls in, helps them with motherhood and teaches them skills such as sewing, cooking, or cosmetology to help them get jobs. While it is sad to see the circumstances in which they came here it is nice to see that they have a place to go where they are cared for and taught to be nurturing mothers to their little ones.

-       -          Suzanne (5^th Year)

On Ne Sait Jamais

My favorite quote since high school has been from Le Petit Prince: “On ne sait jamais” which translates to “one never knows.”  I try to remember this throughout my hectic and overly scheduled life, allowing life to take me wherever it may because truly one never knows.

We talk a lot about expectations leading up to and during this trip. Especially for those of us who have participated in past trips, it is easy to have expectations for each day. It has been a goal of mine for this trip to expect less and let the trip take me wherever it may. 

Unfortunately, with expectations come disappointments both large and small. Today we visited My Father’s House, and there are a few children there that I was looking forward to seeing that we were not able to see as they had left for school by the time we arrived.

Something one does not expect to see while riding the bus through the streets in Jamaica is your friend standing on the corner holding her baby. Our team had the lovely surprise today of Michael and Carla joining us for a few days with their happy, loving, and gentle one year old baby, Joseph.

When our expectations are shattered and we allow ourselves instead to welcome in surprises, lessons learned flood in easily.  Adding Joseph to our team today changed the dynamic in a way nothing and nobody else could. We were able to see the “kids” we normally hug, coddle and care for turn that idea around as they met Joseph.  Some of the boys who are normally rough or focused on hard work took the time to stop and talk with Joseph in a hushed voice.  The girls at Dare to Care were able to show their natural caring maternal side that they have developed living with their special extended family. And maybe most unexpected was the typical tough trouble-making boys that slowed down for a moment to pick Joseph up, say hello or even sit quietly and read with him.

As we head into the rest of the week in Jamaica we all hope to continue to let expectations fall away. And when we all go back to our regular days we can remind ourselves that one never knows.

Jordan (5th year)

Simple Pleasures

We started off today with an amazing view of Jamaica and some easy breakfast conversation.  I learned that Andrew can fold a t-shirt in under 4 seconds.   I had a Pop-Tart for the first time since I was in middle school.  Strawberry (with the frosting) will always be my favorite.  After we finished breakfast we went downstairs to visit the kids at Sophie’s Place.

All of the children at Sophie’s place are disabled with high levels of severity.  Worse than anything I have ever seen.  There are about a dozen of them.  Each have a story of how they got here and what they’re battling. Today I was greeted by Chrisagaye.  Picture yourself with an unlimited about of energy but at the same time being unable to express how you feel in words.  This is her.  She’s close to deaf and very rambunctious. She almost knocks me over as she runs up to hug me.  I’m standing next to Libby and she hugs her as well.  She grabs her arms and twists her to the left and then to the right until it becomes clear that she wants to dance.  Libby dances with her.  I take a swig of my water bottle (it’s hot) and Chrisagaye notices this out of the corner of her eye.  She immediately pushes Libby aside and walks up to me and watches me drink from my water bottle.  She starts to laugh and clap.  She is hysterical laughing.  I am confused by what’s going on, except I can’t help but laugh and smile back at her.  She motions for me to sip again.  My water bottle has a cap that locks and unlocks so I once again unlock the cap and take a swig of my water.  She starts to once again clap her hands.  She is somehow impressed by how I’m able to unlock the cap of my water bottle and sip from it.  She goes around and starts tapping everyone on the shoulder so they’re able to watch me drink water.  I repeat just as she asks.  She motions me to follow her and I follow her until we’re next to Andrew.  She points at me and motions for me to yet again sip.  She wants everyone to experience what she’s seeing.  I drink and notice the look on her face.  She’s transported to some place that must feel a little bit like heaven.  I get to witness this.  This goes on for a full 20 minutes.  At one point someone says…”You don’t have to actually drink, you can just pretend to drink” but I would never do this.  This was my simple connection.  These little moments give these kids so much of their joy.  All I had to worry about was a full bladder.

The next home that we went to was named Matthew 25:40.  This is a completely different experience.  There are 20 kids.  They are all functional, and they all have HIV.  Unlike the children at Sophie’s place they’re able to carry complete conversations.  The 10 of us stand outside the house and wait. We are greeted by a girl who runs out of the house and jumps into Kevin’s arms.  Another sees Andrew and yells out “Sweetie Mon!” to him and I laugh because Andrew has been telling me this is nickname for weeks and I finally got to hear it from one of the kids.  Andrew gives the kids candy when he visits, but it’s obvious that they remember this group for far more than just sweets. Some of our  girls hang out and watch the Lion King and Andrew and Kevin toss a football around with some of the boys.  Jennifer hangs out with a few of the kids and takes a lot of pictures with them.  I try to do a bit of everything.  As I’m throwing the football one of the boys walks up to me and asks if I’d like to go on the swings with him.  Of course I’d like to go on the swings!  He leads me down a small path until were in the middle of a dilapidated playground. There are two swings.  He leads and I follow.  He’s quiet at first.  I ask him how old he is and he tells me he’s 11 years old.  I ask him when he’ll be 12 and he asks me to guess. After several guesses I learn that his birthday is July 22^nd.  He asks me how old I am and I reply with “I’m pretty old.”  He nods and asks “Are you 15??”  Love this kid.  After a few more minutes he asks me if I know John Cena.  This is wrestling talk and I’m very rusty.  He doesn’t remember Hulk Hogan, and he’s far more interested in the newer wrestlers like CM Punk.  I have no idea who CM Punk is and he assures me that he’s “the best” in wrestling.  I think back to watching wrestling when I was a kid and how it was a great bonding experience with my father.  Soon we’re back in the house and we’re sitting with another kid who is educating me on all that I’ve been missing these past few years.   I’m way out of touch.  The other kid is 19 years old and has a love for wrestling and cooking.  The next thing I know I’m in the room with 10 kids and we’re all watching  a recent Summer Slam video.  They are quiet.  One of them turns to me and asks if I am a wrestler and I tell him that I’m not.  He asks me if wrestling is real and I have no idea what to say so I go with “ummm…they really do get hurt.” He nods.  I’m sitting there and thinking about all these kids.  I really want to just stay there and watch wrestling with them.  Maybe tell them about Hulk Hogan and all the great matches I once watched with my father.  It also makes me want to call up my dad and tell him that I love him. 

Kevin walks in the room and tells us that it’s time to go.  We all get up and say goodbye to the kids.  One of the kids, the one from the swingset comes walking up to me and he whispers in my ear.  He says, “Remember this always, and remember CM Punk.”  I won’t forget.

-Chris (1^st Year)

Hold My Hand

After four years, the 3 a.m. wake up call to go to the airport does not get any easier, but my excitement to get to Jamaica and see my “Jamaican babies” grows every year. We arrived in Jamaica this morning to be greeted at the airport by Leroy, Jamaican Kevin (aka KJam), and Howard. After stopping for our traditional lunch of patties, we arrived at Sophie’s Place, our home for the week, to be welcomed by a waving and smiling Donovan.

We settled in and unpacked at Sophie’s and had orientation with Leroy. It was finally time to go downstairs and see the kids! It is always so wonderful to see all of their familiar faces and to see how they have changed and grown over the past year.

One of my favorite things about being in Jamaica each year is how much time we get to spend just being present with the residents. I spent a lot of time today holding hands with Courtney, Duran, Nathaniel, and Laura in particular. They each have varying degrees of alertness and responsiveness. Duran gives you a giant smile and is content with sitting with your hand in his for hours. Nathaniel holds on with his strong grip as he wiggles around in excitement. Courtney is calmer and more subdued and it sometimes seems like he doesn’t even notice that you are there, but there is something about just sitting with him and holding hands that makes you feel connected with him.

In my hectic fast-paced life back home, my time with the kids in Jamaica is always a nice reminder that sometimes words are not always what matter most, but just being present can have an impact. Sometimes it’s nice just have someone hold your hand.

-Meaghan (4th Year)

Firsts

Exciting times ahead...

In less than 24 hours our team will be traveling together to Jamaica and I couldn't be more excited. Sure, there are a bunch of questions floating through my head as there are with most new experiences, but I have so much confidence in our team leader who has been a huge source of support and anxiety-reducing calm today, that I can't help but to be completely grateful for this opportunity. 

This will be a week of many firsts for me: first Mustard Seed mission, first time to Jamaica, first time meeting most of my team mates, and first time writing a blog!

I don't know what to expect, but I am really excited about meeting the kids, learning about what we can do to help and affect positive change in a community that right now, from my cushy office in Manhattan, seems like it couldn't be farther away from me. I'm sitting here, looking over our office's "zen garden courtyard" trying to imagine what the upcoming seven days will be like. If it's anything like what I'm thinking, I have a feeling that while I like to think I'll be doing "so much" for these kids in Jamaica, I am pretty sure that they will probably be the ones teaching me so much, enriching my life with rich experience, compassion, and humble joy. It always amazes me how grateful and generous complete strangers can be just because they know we are there for them and they are not alone.

Ultimately, they have no idea the change they are impacting in our hearts and minds as volunteers. I am the lucky one.

-Libby (1st Year)