Listen (72 hours later)

Before we left I posted to this blog that I was looking forward to the peace I hoped to get while in Jamaica. Sitting here 72 hours after we returned, I am still at peace.

It is amazing that when we are stripped down to nothing...dirty, tired, and vulnerable...that we learn the most about ourselves and about what peace really is. It is only then that we can truly feel the power of a smile, the electricity of holding a sick child's hand, or the joy of being with 20 other people that feel compelled to do God's work. And it is only then that we can truly be open to what God is trying to tell us since most of the time we are too distracted to listen.

Before and during our mission I spend so much time talking at my team. From logistics to fundraising to reflection I have a lot to say. But when we met at the church on Saturday morning to leave, my voice was gone. What was I going to do? Instead of recognizing this as a good thing, I powered through and forced what little voice I had left out of my body. I didn't realize this at the time, but God was already trying to tell me something and I wasn't listening. Trust me, this would have been the easier way to learn the lesson He was trying to teach me (you'll see why later).

My voice came back by Sunday night and I felt whole again. But as the week went on and I became more vulnerable and open, God took another shot at the lesson He wanted me to learn.

On Thursday we woke up early to join the kids at My Father's House for adoration, rosary, and mass. So by the time we were on our way to Jacob's Ladder later that morning to spend time with that community, most people used the bus ride to catch up on sleep. But at some point Christina and I were awake and talking about weddings. I was telling her how amazing the sacrament was for me and Carla and how nothing else on that day mattered as much as that. How the ceremony, the homily, sharing in all of that with our family and friends and standing before God to commit to each other meant so much to us. Everything else was gravy! To stress my point I took off my wedding ring and said, "If I lose this, it doesn't matter. This doesn't mean as much as the sacrament. It's not about this."

So you can probably guess where this story is going. A few hours later as we enjoyed some time at the beach, I lost my ring. I had been in the water having a football catch and when I got up from diving for one ball, my ring was gone. I panicked. I yelled for Carla and others to come help me find it. I grabbed snorkeling gear and searched frantically. I was hyperventilating...not sure what to do. I didn't listen to Carla as she told me it was fine, not to worry about it. For 20 minutes, I was a mess.

And then as I searched the bottom of the ocean floor, a peace came over me. Well, first I got slapped in the side of the head with the lesson, and then a peace came over me. Where was my conviction in the words I had spoken just a few hours before? Where was my heart as I was spending a week serving God and then worrying about a ring? The Gospel that morning was the one where Jesus challenges the disciples to walk across the water to Him. And as the story goes, one disciple sinks since he doesn't have faith that Jesus will help him get there. I was sinking. I was not believing. I was not listening to my own words. How can I truly serve God if I don't listen to what He is saying? How can I help guide my team if my words are hollow?

Lesson learned (the hard way!). Sometimes we get caught up in what we know and we need a good shock to shake us up. We need to stop talking and just listen. Until we listen, the words we speak don't mean as much.

As I reflect on this year's time in Jamaica I have so much peace in my heart. I am so thankful for all of the time that I "listened" to Anthony before he died. I am so happy for all of the times that I was able to "listen" to the children that can't speak. I am so in love with God for the times he made me "listen" to him through my actions, not my words. I am so incredibly lucky to have been able to "listen" as my team told me how God changed them this week.

And as we go forward from this week, the challenge is to continue to listen. We don't always have the chance to spend 8 days holding babies, praying with kids who live with HIV/AIDS, and working alongside amazing people from Jamaica just trying to serve God. But we do have the chance to change lives everyday. We do have the chance to see God in every part of our day. We do have the chance to be our best...to be the person God means for us to be. We do have the chance to hear His call. But we have to listen...

--Michael (a rookie each year!)